I often get emails from wives and girlfriends asking them if their husband or boyfriend cheated on them and the statement “I don’t know why” is true. Often women in this situation will ask their husbands or boyfriends what they did wrong, what they did and did not do, and why he is acting this way. These questions do not seem so confusing or difficult. The answers should be fairly simple.
But as time goes on and women ask the same questions, they keep getting the same answers. Men will often stick to the “I don’t know” theory and insist that it is true and not meant to be deceptive. Of course, wives and girlfriends usually do not believe this for a second, even if they sometimes want to. “Can he do it remotely or he doesn’t know why he cheated?” I often get questions like. I will answer this question in the next article.
Maybe saying he doesn’t know why he cheated is an attempt to protect you: Many wives doubt this, of course. But most of the time, he doesn’t like to be described because he knows he hurts you. Also, he knows that because this is purely human nature, you are more likely to stick to and analyze everything he says. After he answers a few questions, he knows that this will lead to more questions, that this will prolong the pain and negative feelings, and that he would like to avoid it if he can. So his hope is to be able to wipe this under the carpet as soon as possible by remaining silent.
Maybe a man will not tell you why he cheated because he is ashamed of the reasons: The truth is that men often cheat because of their insecurities and suspicions. They are getting old. They are not as confident as before about their attractiveness and skill now. They are easily ridiculed by any female attention or gift. Also, when they act on these insecurities and suspicions and then get caught up in it, it’s a bit embarrassing, because it only focuses more on the insecurities they try to silence with their actions and their deception.
Sometimes, they have poor impulse control and this is also a shame. In this case, you will often hear things like, “I do not know what to think, I can not explain it further. This can be annoying, but there is usually truth here. No thought and they take the time to find out why this happened. Maybe, it’s embarrassing to share the answers. Yes, this is stupid and unfair, but they try to be as honest as possible without giving you enough information to dig further. This is when they will tell you.
There are some men (at least completely) who don’t really know why they had an affair: As frustrating as it may seem, men are generally not as intelligent as women or like to test their feelings and motives. Women can usually look at their behavior and at least try to examine the reasons behind it. Men are much less willing or able to do this. They like to ignore what is embarrassing.
“I’m unhappy. I feel vulnerable. I doubt myself. Let me work on this before I do something stupid.” Their actions. This is because they need to break down the vulnerability they have previously sought to escape. And they have already shown that they are someone who tries to silence and defeat their feelings.
Some people have to be persuaded to do this self-examination, and then share it. Often, it is not as easy or intelligent as we might think. In no way do I try to forgive his actions or his stupid reactions. Whether he realizes why he cheated or not, he is still fully responsible for what he did.
Letting him know that it is important to know why this happened: Maybe, you better change the tactics. Because, honestly, maybe you can continue playing the harp and you will still get those frustrating answers. Therefore, in order to prevent it from happening in the future, it may be wise to consider how important it is for you two to try to explore what is wrong.
In this way, you make a concerted effort to make it more accessible to what you want. Also, it is important to understand that you can not read his mind or his feelings as you like. And since you did not deal with your problems fraudulently, you have no chance of fully understanding the mind of anyone else who has taken this path. But you can emphasize that this is important for your healing and if you offer to talk about this to get an answer, you will probably get better results.