How To Deal With “I’m Not Ready To Settle Down Yet”

How can one person’s needs be met if the other is not prepared to do so
give what is required to allow a romantic relationship to
evolve into a meaningful lifelong union?

If one person is ready to move on, ready to create a
a more intimate connection, and the other is not, what then?

Many people could have reached the level of intimacy and
a commitment they wanted if they only had the patience,
compassion, and understanding of the other. Yet many
people are childish when it comes to heart issues.
Many do not have the patience to work on a relationship if it does
not fulfilling all their expectations as quickly as they did
I would like to. As a result, you have analytics, people are longing for them
each other, people with pain in their hearts, when simple
compassion and understanding could have brought them all
they desired over time.

Many people end relationships because they don’t understand
that friendship is the key – they need to build it
trust and enjoy the other’s company without all the formalities
dating behaviors or courtesy.

Yes, courtesy, dating, sex, romance are all essential to romanticism
relationship, but there are many who have problems
from closeness to working through it first. Many people need to do that
go slow and build trust, reaching a certain comfort level
with someone before they can commit themselves. So in this
cause, if one is ready for a dedicated, unique relationship
and the other is not, instead of a hasty and premature termination
the relationship, turn it into a friendship.

Stop dating pressure and courtesy. Allow yourself
to bond in a deep, respectful union, and trust as
friends, like best friends.

If the attraction is there, if the chemistry is right, if the
you both have much in common and a meaningful sharing
goals, why should that wonderful experience end altogether?

Instead, you can continue the growth and development
of your friendship, which is, after all, true
the foundation of any real marriage.

So if you are ready for a commitment and your partner is
no, release the pressure and just be friends. Best friends. No.
sex, no dates, no candlelight intimacy. You will see that as
the bond of friendship grows, as the trust deepens, the one
who was suddenly not ready before. And you
been there all over. You arrived from my heart
giving understanding instead of demanding commitment
of emotions and actions that the other was not prepared to give.

Time heals fear.
Time builds trust, and love grows over time.

You may find, however, that the physical chemistry
still strong. If you really want to share love making or
passion together, do not deny or suppress this, because
doing so causes tension. Go with the flow of your authentic
feelings. If you feel attracted to each other, show it. If
you want to sleep together and hold each other, do it!

There is no wrong with showing love. The wrong is to deny
your love, your chemistry, and your feelings just to conform
to a rigid or “should” belief in society
dating expectations or courtesy. There is no “should,”
there is only truth. If you feel love and attraction, don’t
hold it back; show it.

If one of you wants a monogamous relationship a
the other is not ready for that, then you have to decide
what’s most important to you: really split the time
you have it together or settle for not having each other
your lives at all.

When you allow the word “should” rule your life,
you will find that you are no longer in control of achieving all of you
want. This is not the same as “settling.” Settling happens when you are
deny what is really in your heart because your head says
you are wrong and you should “do” it or not

Is it really wrong to sleep with someone you worship and you are
get physically attracted just because you’re not ready to do it
a formal monogamous commitment?

Is it really wrong to sleep with someone you care for
deep and attracted to it because it is not unique,
monogamous relationship?


The only “should” that can properly govern your life
is that you should do what is real in your heart. It does not matter
what society tells you, no matter what anyone tells you, if
it’s true and right in your heart, then it’s true and right about
you. That is to be your own best friend as well as your best friend
with the one you love but have not formally committed to.

Commit to the authentic in your heart. Express that,
and you will feel authentic, whole and complete within.

One reason relationships fail is because one person seeks validation
by the other. But when you validate your own value,
when you receive respect and admiration from yourself and
it does not need to come from the other, then you possess a
a quality that is the foundation of pure love: the ability to give.

Replacing expectation with understanding.

To give patience a place of urgency.

To substitute compassion for ego fulfillment.

Give friendship instead of demanding commitment

the other may not be ready to do it.

Because as you sow, so you reap. As you give, so do you
is given in return. As you reach out of your comfort zone
to be there for the other, you will find that in due course
reach out of their comfort zone to return your goodness to Him

They will give, they will commit to you, because you will have them
show them that you are worthy of their commitment, and
they will ask you to share your life with them.

For he that endureth the good times a
the difficult times that ultimately win the love, the respect, the admiration,
and commitment from the other. It is very uncommon to
have someone in your life who will be there for you as a matter of fact
a friend; This is a gift.

Relationships are the basis of testing; they experience the bond, the
endurance, the respect for yourself and for the other.

How can you expect someone to make a lifelong commitment
to you if they do not first see that you are capable
of meeting the challenges that arise in the early stages
from a relationship?

You see, life comes with a challenge. Life comes with circumstances
that you must overcome. If you love a boyfriend or girlfriend,
and they cannot be there for you all the time
the challenges of the relationship, how can you possibly expect
them to commit to you for life?

Couples who have successfully worked through the challenges
their relative will tell you they need work
on the self and beyond the needs of the self to be truly there for the
other; it takes work to build relationships that may endure
life tests and the test of time.

When you’re not ready, but you can’t let go

Life will continue to give you the same challenge in all of your personal
relationships until you face it directly and work through it.

For example, if you have a problem with commitment or
closeness, you will find the same challenge in every relationship,
until one day you meet that same person who is causing you
to look within – to search your heart to find the answer. For
when you find true love, another soul you feel an
indescribable bond, that person will cause you to seek from within
to cure the problem that blocks the flow of happiness you deserve
in your life.

And when you try for an answer, you have it
everything you really want. If you do not, then you will live with regret.
It is always your choice to try or not to try.

You can choose to run from one empty relationship to another,
year after year, or you can choose to realize that achievement
comes when the bonds of love and friendship
together, and that bonds are far too precious and valuable
to throw after you find the same person who
causes you to turn yourself around. When you’ve recovered
through that relationship, be prepared to commit yourself
to that person with true love.

© Copyright by Barbara Rose, All Rights Reserved. Excerpt from Lone Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth and Your Life. Published by The Rose Group (2003) ISBN: 097414570X

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