Is it time for you to stop asking questions about the issue?

One of the main issues I hear about is the recurring questions about the relationship. It is perfectly normal (and somewhat understandable) to want to gather all the information you can. However, you get tired of hearing and there comes a time when you get tired of answering your cheating partner. And you may begin to wonder when you will have to stop this cycle. Most of the time, you hate to think that you want to stop, but you still have unresolved issues.

One wife may say: “I honestly feel that my husband is still hiding some information about his affair. I admit he told me a lot – some of those things need a lot of courage. There are things I don’t want to know. So I ask essentially the same questions but what are the different ways. I want to stop with everything, I can not go on like this, I feel like we can not spend a day without grilling me again. ‘ There is truth in his words. I always have questions. But I ask because I know he did not tell me everything. When should I stop? “

I do not know any rules or guidelines about this. And I believe you have a right to information. Yes, husbands are very safe about this and they will try to get rid of you, because every time you ask a question they feel exposed, ashamed and resentful.

Also, if your husband has already told you everything, he may have a point. I know from experience that it makes no sense to ask the same questions over and over again. It is a cycle of ineffective frustration. So, I admit, most of the time you are told everything you need and you still ask the same questions because you still can not wrap your brain around these whole situations.

But not being able to fully understand it does not mean that you have not received the information you requested. Here is an example that might help because it is not about treason. Be patient with me, because I think this is relevant and will help. Recently, my kid suddenly dropped out of a sport he loved and invested so much time in. I repeatedly asked him to explain his argument. And, over and over again, he has told me that commitment is high, that his grades are suffering, and that it is no longer fun. These are all absolutely good reasons. He gave me exactly the response I asked for. Even so, it bothered me. So, I kept it. Didn’t he like his coach? Didn’t he feel good enough? Does he have problems with a teammate? His answers are not always there. And this made both of us frustrated. I still do not fully understand why he left – I will never understand it. But I decided that our relationship was not worth the trouble. He gave me information. I can not go into his mind and feel his feelings. So I want him to be here to help me if he needs me. He seems completely satisfied. I am the one who experiences the turmoil, but I know I have to let it go.

Ask yourself if you are in the same place. He told you everything, but you still do not understand because you do not act that way? If you look at this and find out that your husband has answered what you asked, and that you are branding yourself the same old thing with devastating consequences, it is time to turn around seriously. Similarly, if this process makes you feel worse and you are provoking bad feelings, ask yourself if this is worth it.

I understand that you need all the answers. If you think you do not have them, it’s definitely worth a conversation. You can try: “I fully understand that we have no use in continuing to debate old questions, but you must understand that I continue to ask, because, in my heart, I wonder if you have told me everything. I doubt. That said, once I get all the information, I intend to move on. “

This can work. But if that is not the case and you are stuck, you may want to consider a brief consultation, then the counselor can help you determine if you have all the information. Sometimes, this is useful in more ways than one. It frees you up knowing that you have a set time and place to deal with significant issues, so this no longer needs to be your only focus at home.

But I don’t think there is a magic benchmark about when you should stop asking questions, but I think it makes sense to re-scale when you hear the same responses over and over again and you do not learn anything new. I think most of us feel it when we are in a cycle of frustration.

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