After several decades of listening to clients, friends, colleagues and acquaintances, I found that:
many of us are unsure of our bodies and our sexuality
o Most of us do not meet the media standards of male or female beauty
Marriage does not lead to a loss of desire, sexual arousal and passion
about aging, sexual desire, sexual attraction, and sexual behavior do not end there
Many, many, many people have discovered their passion, for the very first time, in the long-term commitment of marriage or in the later stages of life with a new and exciting relationship. In fact, many married couples continue to have passionate and enjoyable sex with their lifelong partner until their golden years.
Sexuality is not a separate part of our lives, except for the feelings in our body, the feelings in our hearts and the thoughts in our minds. Our sexuality expresses who we are, the culmination of our life experiences and our bodily memories. Sexuality does not appear for the first time in puberty, adolescence or adulthood, as the media often suggests. Our sexuality is with us from the moment of conception and perhaps even earlier in the mother’s womb, until the very end of our lives. Male fetuses actually have an erection in the uterus and vaginas of little girls during ointment.
Popular women’s and men’s magazines would convince us that the path to the heart of every man or woman leads through sexual fitness and skill. There are even courses that teach a variety of techniques “guaranteed” how to propel a man or woman in bed wild.
Rarely do the media teach us how to deal with the shyness and even shame that many of us feel, or the difficulties that many of us have in associating with potential sexual partners. We seldom hear about the fear of rejection, isolation, insecurity, and sexual problems that we often experience in our most intimate relationships. And what about so many of us who are fully capable of intimately loving one partner, but in some way fall in love or long for the one person who pushes us away, hang a carrot of love, only to disappoint us again and again and leave us in a state of self-destruction.
The media offer little support for sensitive, loving, affectionate sexuality based on trust in one’s body’s reaction and on the partner’s intimate knowledge over a long period of time. The prevailing belief that most people accept as a fact is that increased sexual desire and passion are most pronounced in the early, experimental and discovery days of any relationship.
If we truly believe that long-term commitment, especially marriage, is a prescription for the death of our sexuality, then we are a doomed society. How can we joyfully enter into a lifelong “death sentence” with a partner of our choice? If we truly believe that only young, single, beautiful, and confidently aggressive people are sexual, how can our anxious mind allow us to seek the desired sexual partner if we think we do not fit the prevailing picture?