I often receive emails from wives who have left (or are about to leave) their husbands. “How can I get my husband home soon ?;” “What do I do if he leaves and does not come back?”; And “How do I stop him from leaving first?”
The answer to these questions depends on the circumstances, but with that being said, the way you play it when your husband is away or thinking about leaving has a huge impact on the results you get. The wives I see almost always have things that push the husband forward and usually give good results. I will discuss both in the next article. But the quick answer is yes, men are coming back, but chances are better if you play this right.
Just because he left, does not mean he will never return: I can’t describe the frustration I feel in the emails I receive. I understand this because I was once in the same situation. But it is important not to accept defeat before you start the game. As I was going through this, I had a girlfriend who very honestly told me one day that I was a “walking wounded person”. I was walking around, letting out a shock that I knew I had been beaten and that I didn’t deserve. Clearly, this is not attractive to anyone or conducive to attracting anyone back.
The point is, don’t let your panic and despair show. If you want to get rid of these feelings and fears, journal when you are alone. But, it is important to portray a person who wants to save the marriage or relationship, but who respects and trusts her enough to know that she will achieve it and that she deserves whatever.
This is more appealing than someone who is sticky, needy, wandering, or acting shy in the hopes that the play will force him back.
You can’t “get him back”, but you can help him get it back: Many women ask me how to “make” or “bring” their men back home. This implies that it is wrong in many ways. First, “setting” something that someone does not want to go to does not produce the lasting results you want. You do not want him home because he feels guilty or reluctantly returns when his heart is not really there.
Under those circumstances, you will reconsider this issue in the near future. Instead, you want him to come back with all his heart, fully committed to working with you once and for all to make sure this does not happen again. So, instead of arguing with him, making a final statement, pouring in a play or playing, focus on creating a positive interaction between the two of you who are going to contribute to wanting him to come home.
Now I do not mean to humiliate you or subject you to things that are important to you. I mean your husband should value the qualities that first attracted you or the things you first enjoyed together and focus on those things.
Because often, people do not understand what went wrong or why they left their husbands. They think it is an external, third-party kind of thing like personality conflict, stress, money trouble, betrayal. Instead, what almost always happens is a loss of connection and intimacy. Think about it. When you are synchronizing with your husband, the problems you face seem small. You will polish them because you are happy and they meet your needs. You want to work with this person because you know that you are both together and a team.
But, once he starts to leave the relationship, he starts to see you as an individual, not as part of your team. He shrugs or things that are pleasurable suddenly drive him crazy or make him a deal breaker. Therefore, focus on the loss of intimacy first, rather than on quarrels, money problems, and so on. Now, you will want to address these externalities later. I am not telling you to ignore them indefinitely. But, there is no point in attaching a band aid to something that is not really healthy. If you do, those old problems will continue to arise, and it will be difficult to solve them every time they recur.
To get him back soon: The best thing you can do when your husband leaves or threatens is to remind you to always be aware of your actions. It is very easy to get upset and overreact and these things will push him further. If he leaves, it is fair to say that it is because he sees things very negatively at the moment and does not think things can change. To put it simply, your goal should be to change his perception from negative to positive and to show him through things that things can actually change.
Therefore, you need to behave with respect and kindness. You want to keep a smile on your face and keep your heart open. It is easy to argue or make him feel guilty or try to convince him that he is wrong. But, this does not help your purpose. It is better to validate him from the trip. Tell him that he is right, that things are unacceptable now, and that you both deserve it. Explain that you do not know how this will end, but you both can control how you interact in the coming days. Do you remember the things that first attracted you to him? Now is the time to put them on full display. You want to be a faithful, happy, talented and attractive woman who cannot live without him.
When he sees that she is still there and that he can reconnect with her, the rest gradually falls into place.