When your husband says, “Tell me what to do, I’ll do it.”

I remember several stories like this in the early days of our marriage.

to me: [exasperated] ‘Darling, what do you want me to do, when and how, I will do it. Keep it simple. I want you to be happy. If you are happy, I will be happy. ‘

my wife: [livid] ‘But you missed the point.’

to me: ‘I’m confused, frustrated, angry.’

my wife: I can not help you realize that it’s more than just doing what you want to do.

Fortunately, at some point, I solved the problem with the attitude of ‘I want to show’. As we discussed it recently, my wife and I concluded that it must have been an understanding I had through marriage counseling. I can’t thank God enough. It changed our marriage.

Counseling dozens of individuals and couples is now a widespread trend, and when marriages are in trouble (and there are times when all marriages are in trouble), a high percentage of men want to know what they should do, how and when. To do it. Reducing marital relations to some form of formula.

Disappointed, we turn to the simplest, most direct way of solving the problem. We are even willing to do what we should not do to keep our wives happy. Also, we are often confused as to why this makes our wives frustrated. Do they not see our sacrifice? Yes, they see the sacrifice and they see it correctly.

While it may seem superficial on the surface to be prepared to do whatever we have to do, I’m sure many women (and some men) reading this will recognize the flaw in this approach.

It fails because of intention. When someone says, ‘Tell me what to do’, they basically say, ‘I’m checking; You lost me. ‘ We may think this is what our wives want to hear, but it’s exactly what they do not want to hear, because it shows that our love is reduced to marking the boxes on the list.

Still:

What they want to see in us is a desire to understand.

If we want to understand, sooner or later the penny will fall.

When we finally realize, our hearts begin to change.

When two hearts are engaged, they first try to understand each other rather than themselves.

Often marriage is the act of two adults behaving as adults. Every time a spouse says, ‘Tell me what to do, I will do it’, we can say that there is some confusion in their commitment to the intimate relationship in the marriage. As marriage partners, we want our partner to do this or that, and certainly to be creative about how they love us.

None of us want that kind of cheap love that we do just what we want.

We want it to come from the heart of our partner – not because we pressure them to do what we want them to do, but because we know it’s not love. And no partner should settle for a cheap love that is not really loved. It is a fake love.

It is a behavior that may seem like love but does not feel like love.

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