Why is my little son / daughter suddenly so mean to me?

It can be very painful and unsettling when your little son or little daughter starts treating you badly. It’s especially hard when things go well, and you thought things were good. It’s hard not to react negatively – but if you do, you know things will start to turn upside down. Then it will affect not only that relationship but also your relationship with your husband. Give yourself a little space, and consider some of these capabilities that can help you get down to their low behaviors:

Has there been a recent change in the family? If you are now living together or have recently gotten married (or on the other side of the family, if there is a difference with the former) then you should give your little one some rest and give them some time. Set up. We often expect too much from children, and if the change in life is good (by our standards, anyway) we think they will “jump aboard”. They may test you to see how you react when their behavior is not perfect.

Has he or she entered a new phase in life? Adolescents and young adults go through great internal adjustments and emotional upheavals. Just don’t take personally what reflects their inner state of mind. Many teenage parents seem to be possessed by a demon. If you are in the unfortunate situation of getting close to a child who is going through this difficult stage in life, wear your seat belts for what could be a long journey!

Consider whether you are asking too many questions, especially if you are curious about what is going on in the “other house,” or whether your little son or daughter wants to share their inner feelings with you. Understand that they can be very sensitive to the slightest notice of judgment against their other parents. Give him or her some space, and instead focus on listening to anything (even the little things) that he shares freely.

Any child whose parents are divorced has a lot to do with the breakup of their primary family. It’s one of the most defining events in their lives, and it’s too much to expect them to say or do what’s happening with them. And if there is a conflict between their parents / s, then you can assume that they have a lot of turmoil, which can very well come out of the comments they make about you as a “disposable” parent.

Look at the relationship between your young child and your spouse. They may not get the closeness or attention your little one feels they need, and you may be a victim. Instead of trying to be there all the time, you can see that your relationship with your little one (and your partner!) Has improved by giving them both some time to spend on their own. Then when you come back to the scene, you will not see yourself “on the road”. No matter how long you have been in the family picture, parent / child relationships need to be nurtured on their own.

Be as friendly as you can without being impatient (sometimes you fall into the trap set by many step-parents, try to be a super-step parent). Be emotionally prepared before you see them, then you may feel more relaxed and friendly than you could closely control or expect. If they were angry with you last time, you can draw a clear line about expecting respectful behavior, but then let go of any resentment!

Try to encourage. Every day this week write at least one positive thing about your little boy or daughter, let them know what you value about them – name the quality or trait you appreciate, and describe the behavior you saw. Observe small positive interactions and build on them.

You have to connect with your little one on his or her terms until he develops enough confidence. It takes patience – the process of building a successful small family takes a long time – actually many years. You also need maturity on your part. As you build a positive relationship, you need to learn the right balance between “holding the line” and “letting it go” so that your little one does not deviate from misbehavior. Remember that they are waiting for you to truly stand up for them and accept who they are, and at the same time they need the respect they need.

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